Reality Index Gossip Girl Funeral Style

Every Tuesday, the most recent episode of Gossip Girl is examined by New York Magazine and assigned scores according to its "reality index." Below are some of the highlights (lowlights?) from the magazine's analysis of "O Brother, Where Bart Thou?"

Everybody knows Chuck sleeps with the room service twins at the Palace. Plus 1 because when people say it, it's kind of admiringly.

What cheesy, Hypnotiq-grade club liquor did Chuck steal from the bar? Surely he would have gone for a nice aged scotch. Minus 2.

Dan announces to Jenny that Serena is "going to Buenos Aires, with Aaron" in what tries to maybe be an Argentinean accent, but it comes out kind of Irish instead. Plus 1, because he would only know how to do one accent.

Rufus is sitting quietly in the dark. Minus 1, nobody does that in real life.

Aaron's invitation to Serenais effective immediately? That was convenient of Bart, to die over Christmas vacation like that. Minus 3.

HOLY EFFING SH!T DOROTA IS A BRIDESMAID! Plus 30.

While trying to sober Chuck up, Blair inadvertently reveals how good she is at the art of purging. Even Nate notices. Plus 2.

Minus 4 because Eleanor would have remembered all too well how Jenny screwed her by running off with her marquee dress.

"I'm not maternal, I've just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish," Blair says. "Come on, I see kugel." Plus 3.

Blair: "Whatever you're going through, I wanna be there for you."Chuck: "We've talked about this. You are not my girlfriend."Blair: "But I am me. And you are you. We're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything."Chuck: "And why would you do that."Blair: "Because I love you."Chuck: "Well, that's too bad."Us: "Plus 100."

Lily agrees to let Serena go to Buenos Aires selfishly, as she wants to run away with Rufus.

Never mind that Chuck is completely AWOL and poor, tragic, single Eric will be left alone. No wonder he tried to kill himself. Plus 3.

And also Minus 4 because Jenny, ugh, put some bottoms on, you're at a funeral reception.